Just saw this hand written sign in front of the hot food bar at the local deli:
Mushroom bean curd sauce now with Goat Meat!
$1.00
About MorrisonFilm
Hello, my name is Shawn. This is where I put things. This site has been active since 2002. A lot has changed since then but basically I'm still writing ridiculous articles about ridiculous things. You can also look at my Flickr photostream which is a lot of fun if you aren't blind.
This site uses Simplelog, a simple Ruby on Rails weblog application. I explain why I use it in this entry. This site is hosted by Dreamhost.
I've made 4 short films that are currently available online. I also host a semi-regular comedic podcast with Garrett Murray that has a 5 star rating on iTunes!
Results (escape to close):
I actually made those biscuits I wrote about recently. They came out really well. Then again, they are primarily butter, cheese and cream so they’d be hard pressed to disappoint. Next time I think I’d add more pear. It was interesting that the crunchy died pears ended up being the textural replacement for the expected ingredient bacon. Bacon would have been complete overkill but the crunchiness was right on.
Drying the pears was also interesting because I had never done that before. They were actually pretty satisfying on their own. I may have to try drying some other stuff. Beef jerky?
Each and every visit to Chocolate & Zucchini brings with it a literal watering of the mouth. Usually that’s just an expression. I’ve always been satisfied just reading about the recipes and looking at the pictures but I think I’m going to take a stab at making these Aged Gouda and Dried Pear Biscuits. First of all, I love biscuits. Love. Second, I just so happen to have a block of 18 month aged Gouda in my fridge, much like Clotilde wrote that she just so happened to have 36 month aged Gouda in her fridge. The serendipity of that is too much to resist. I’ve never possessed any sort of Gouda of any kind in my life before this week. Third, this particular cheese that I have in my fridge is the best cheese I’ve ever tasted in my life. Contemplating it taking the form of a biscuit is causing the overproduction of endorphins in my brain.
“The Package May Say Healthy, but This Grocer Begs to Differ”. Neat article about a grocery store chain that is labeling all foods with objective health ratings, regardless of what the food manufacturer claims. It sheds a lot of light on those products labeled “healthy” or with some esoteric health claim (“Anti-oxidants!”). Most include way too much sugar, fat or salt while promoting one positive health benefit.
I bought a package of ready-to-bake Nestle’s Tollhouse cookies that proclaimed “0 grams of Trans Fats!” Which is great, except that one cookie contained 10 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat. There is nothing remotely healthy about this cookie. You’d be better off with some trans fats and a lesser overall fat total. Most people don’t even know what “trans fat” means. I also saw a Swiss Miss hot chocolate package promoting how it was chock full of anti-oxidants. It’s also chock full of sugar and trans fat. Guess what, the anti-oxidants loose that battle.
All of these new healthy buzz-words are great for food companies because they can sell you peace of mind. When a package has the word “healthy” it promotes nutritional evasion. People trust it, knowing it’s probably bullshit, but at least they don’t have to think. They’ll feel good about it and never question it because a guilt-free food experience is hard to come by these days.
I found Campbell’s response to the realistic food ratings the most comical:
We don’t like the idea that there are good and bad foods out there, and these sort of arbitrary rating systems.
Of course they don’t, because most of their products aren’t remotely healthy. And of course there is such a thing as good and bad foods. The idea is to be realistic about it, stop practicing evasion, and understand that bad foods have a place in good diets. But that eating Baked Lays and Healthy Choice pudding isn’t necessarily the road to a sound, let alone enjoyable, diet.
This accompanies the “Black Seedless Grapes” on FreshDirect (Emphasis mine).
Please Note: In an effort to reduce chemical pesticide use, many grape growers are now using spiders as a natural method to rid crops of insects. Occasionally, you may find a cobweb — just rinse it off and rest assured that your grapes are most likely pesticide-free.
There exists a chance that your grapes might not be slathered in pesticides but it’s absolutely guaranteed that they were (and let’s be honest – probably still are) covered in spiders. Filthy hairy spiders. Oh and cob webs… and let’s be honest probably spider eggs too, why the fuck not?!
I opened up a Silk soy yogurt for lunch the other day and noticed their new top. The foil wrapper says “Have we lost our lid?” in reference to the lack of a plastic top in addition to the foil wrapper. The lid goes on to read “Precisely. Losing our lid saves 100,000 pounds of plastic annually…” Bravo. Good move. My only question is why you ever even had a lid to begin with but hey, glad you guys finally got your shit together and saved the world some much unneeded garbage. Even a soulless libertarian like myself can appreciate that.
But that sentence keeps going:
Losing our lid saves 100,000 pounds of plastic annually which is equivalent to planting 68 acres of trees every year!
And this is where I’m lost. Perhaps I’m ignorant to the conversion rates in environmento-land but how exactly is a lack of 100,000 pounds of plastic equate to planting 68 acres of trees? There’s definitely some algebra missing from this yogurt lid, ‘cause I don’t think I’m such an idiot for not understanding this. I’m fairly certain plastic isn’t made from trees. Otherwise it would be called wood. This is like me saying:
I’ve quit smoking for almost 2 years which is equivalent to 17 chocolate martinis a day!
or
I stopped beating my wife which is equivalent to being a Vietnam war hero!
You can say any of those things, but you better be able to back that shit up. But as we continue down the lid, we start to realize the yogurt lid’s true game.
Every loving spoonful of Silk Cultured Soy is powered by the wind!
Basically they’re just jamming this lid full of as many environmentalist clichés as they can, hoping desperately one of them will stick long enough so that chick at the organic food store with the bandana and Birkenstocks will pick it up and not think too hard.
What’s even more entertaining about the “Please like me” lid is the fact that wind power slaughters birds like crazy. So enjoy your yogurt and don’t mind the cute bald eagles that were mangled for your yogurt pleasure!
(For what it’s worth I prefer WholeSoy for my soy yogurt needs)
I am currently drinking “Bailey’s Irish Cream Coffee,” which gives the remarkable simulation of drinking a real alcoholic beverage. Which is not exactly what I normally go for in the morning. It reminds me of the time, oh so many summers ago now, when my parents were away on vacation. We had had quite the good ol’ time the night before and as I stood in the kitchen, making coffee, I scoped the bottle of Kahlua we had been using to make White Russians. Actually it wasn’t even Kahlua, it was Kamora the generic version. But in it went, into the coffee, and I enjoyed a 9 AM coffee cocktail. It was decadent and foolish, yet somehow it felt good, as I knew then that I would never again in my life drink alcoholic coffee in the morning. And I’ve kept to that. And so should you.
Recently, I’ve been obsessed with finding the finest veggie-dog available. I can’t quite explain it. I’m no hot-dog nut. I’ve been known to go for months if not years without eating a hot-dog. But now and again, recently, I’ll be walking by that dog ‘n sausage section of the grocery store and pause. Oh how great a bratworst or a jumbo frank would be. Sometimes I’ll even reach for it, but I immediately replace it on the shelf. I just can’t bring myself to by the things. I always picture that episode of The Simpsons which shows a hot-dog being formed from an eagle beak, a leather boot and a horse’s buttocks.
As you can probably tell from my sidebar, I love all natural frozen veggie meals. I simply don’t have the energy to cook by the time I get home from work at 8pm and I like eating healthy. After rejecting the horse-beef-dog-beak hot dogs, I noticed the veggie dogs. I had seen them before but found them absurd. I never liked foods that were “un” or “non” versions of real foods. I always thought if I were a vegetarian I would be militant about my dislike of “un-chicken” or “non-meat-meatloaf.” I would want creative original veggie inventions! Veggie entrees that are so good they’d start making meat version copies. But after a few meals out with distinguished vegans Matt and Jill, I realized that the vegetarian community had some pretty fucking good takes on traditional meat meals. In fact, all of my most favorite meals in recent history have been out to eat in New York with Matt and Jill. Fantastic vegan burritos, veggie burgers and vegan cheesecake convinced me there might be something to the un-meat meats (and un-dairy dairies).
I first purchased Smart Links Italian. An Italian sausage kinda deal. I went with un-sausage ‘cause I figured the spices might make up for a lack in taste. They were somewhat of an enigma. They fried up nicely, browning surprisingly well. But the texture was kinda… cakey. It was sweet in a way a sausage shouldn’t be sweet. Suspiciously, I finished all 8 over 3 days.
The next trip to Stop & Shop brought me Yves Jumbo Veggie Dogs. I thought a more traditional dog would be a prudent next step. They sure looked like real hot dogs. And in short, they were a delight. It was astonishing how dog-like these un-dogs were. The taste was nearly perfect. Just a slight oddness that accompanies all vegetarian meat copies (though quite often, one grows to enjoy it). It’s the consistency and texture that really surprised me. The look and mouth feel was perfect. It lacked a bit of the intensity of a real hot dog, but considering they were 1.5 grams of fat per link versus 23, I guess I can’t complain.
My quest shall not end here though. I will try every brand I can get my hands on. Un-hot-dogs, un-sausages, un-worsts. Whatever I can find. And I’ll post a detailed ranking once my analysis is complete.
I eagerly await any suggestions.